ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
