I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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