apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
