Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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