I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
