Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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