I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
