I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
