Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
