i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
