Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
