i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
