I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
