so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
