I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
