Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
