please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
