Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
