Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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