Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
