For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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