Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
