The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
