she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
