I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
