My friends, they love my intelligence
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
