I skipped work to stalk him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
