So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
