I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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