I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
