Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
