You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
