In the future we'll all be gay
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
