dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drake has all the answers
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
