i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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