um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
