May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
