You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
