You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
