The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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