Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
