and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
