I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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