and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
