i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
