The maid of honor just puked.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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