i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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