I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
