How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Enjoy the penises
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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