I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I look better un-naked...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
