So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
