nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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