can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
