I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
