No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Pooping to opera.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
