How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
